04 April 2007

Sock Sentenced to Frog Pond

FPAB granted landmark victory

The following is a photo of the last known knitted state of Chuck's Cabled Sock[s]:


This photo was taken at approximately 9:15AM on 3 April 2007. Shortly thereafter, the UFO shed its needles--a sure sign that the UFO has come into its frogging season. Other telltale signs include a row of mis-purled stitches and the fact that the cuff ribbing does not smoothly transition into cables1.

Authorities have declined to comment whether this sock shall be reattempted. A spokesman from the Foundation for the Preservation of Aesthetic Beauty issued the following statement:

"After reviewing the work in progress, it is the Foundation's opinion that work must cease on Chuck's Cabled Socks until such time as the knitter submits a proposal for more pleasing color combination and in a yarn which is also pleasing to the skin. No more of that itchy stuff."

The Sock attempted to bring legal action against the FPAB (slander), but the judge merely laughed and said, "There's no tort here. Go home and frog before I recommend that you be professionally felted."

This was a landmark victory for the FPAB, granting it authority over the production of socks with regards to visual and tactile qualities. Textile and design pundits agree that the FPAB is one of Knit Goddingdom's best allies in the galactic war against ugliness. A small protest was held outside the courthouse, but nobody paid much attention to the protesters because they were so poorly dressed. Opinions of people who wear ghastly color combinations cannot be taken seriously.

Courtney the Knitting Goddess undertook the task of frogging the condemned sock later that evening. Memorial services will not be held, as it is a felony in Knit Goddingdom to mourn deceased crappy projects.

1 N.B. Not only does the cabling not smoothly transition from cuff to leg, but there was some sort of train wreck in the transition. Knitters are well advised not to attempt a new challenge while engaging in lively conversation with family and waiting in the hospital for one's nephew to be born.

1 comment:

Anne said...

I don't know that I'd say it was a 'train wreck' lol.. but very nicely written post, I was chuckling all along :) And many kudos to being so brave to try a project like that for your first sock! I look forward to the next attempt!